The Onion is making fun of me

From The Onion

SENECA, OR—Owner and founder of Fossil Bed Brewery Dave Walker, 39, reportedly struggled Saturday to find a way to work his 5-year-old Labrador retriever mix into the name of a new spiced winter ale. "I was going to just call it Puppy Weizen, but that's kind of impersonal, and technically it's not a wheat beer," said Walker, who has so far failed to find a name that captures both his pet's personality and the distinct raisin and pepper flavoring of the microbrew. "I have to do something to make it stand out on the shelf alongside Flying Dog, Sea Dog, Turbodog, Smuttynose Old Brown Dog, and Dogfish Head." At press time, Walker had yet to figure out how make his dog, Barley, a part of the beer’s name.

For those lack average intelligence, The Onion is a joke, like Mad Magazine without the cartoons.

Free Hard Apple cider recipe

My Catholic Cavebddies like to post food recipes on their blogs, I'll show my appreciation by doing a homebrew post. Ok it isn't beer, and since it's Great Lent I'm cutting down on it ALOT, but I bottled my first attempt at hard apple cider and it turned out ok. Wine, mead, and cider are easier to make than beer. If you can make Kool Aid you can make wine, mead, or cider.

Here's what you'll need from either your local Homebrewer store (recommended for rookies) or what you can find:

A large plastic bucket that can hold 5 gallons, with a lid with a small hole at the top for a run off hose where the CO2 can escape.

A carboy

Sanitizer

Bottles, jugs or a keg/firkin to put the finished product.

Now the rest:

5 gallons Indian Summer apple cider, or any apple juice/cider that does not contain phosphates or preservatives. Those will kill the yeast.

Minimum of 2 lbs of brown sugar

One vial of White Labs English Cider yeast, or whatever yeast.

Pour the cider into a SANITIZED bucket for your primary fermentation, then the brown sugar and then the yeast. Stir with a long SANITIZED spoon or stirrer and cover with the escape valve full of sanitizer or water, or have a sanitized hose with one end left in a small bucket or water.

5-7 days later after the bubbling settles down, move to secondary. Add other ingredients to your liking like honey, cinnamon etc or more brown sugar. I just added cinnamon and a dash of honey.

5-7 days later move into SANITIZED bottles, jugs or kegs. To add carbonation put in a little more sugar for the yeast to eat before bottling. I put some into the original plastic cider jugs before adding "priming sugar". You don't want to try that with plastic. The plastic will expand from the CO2 and possibly explode. Leave cider to age in room temperature for 2 weeks then move to fridge to stop the carbonation process.

Enjoy, the make another batch. The process with premade wine juice is similar, just involves more moving fermentors.

Oh, it's Forgiveness Sunday, or whatever?

For the non-Orthodox, yesterday was the day where they have a service where you ask people for forgiveness whether you wronged them or not. This is one of those things with which I have a problem.

You see, I meant everything I said and said everything I meant. I'm not sorry. Business is one thing, personal is another. I've never intentionally attempted to wrong another personally, and if I did indirectly I have no idea who it might be. I think this can set a bad precedent to be exploited by thin-skinned people with ulterior motives.

I also have a problem with people I don't know and never met asking for my forgiveness for something they've never done to me. In that case forgiveness isn't mine to give. There are certain people who owe me and ESPECIALLY the Trophy Wife an apology. But I have yet to receive one. I've never gone to that service because I'm expected to apologize in addition to receiving apologies.

There are many things for which I am sorry, like the economy killing my movie career, not having yet making it out to the Kyklos Cafe, novus ordo, not meeting several people on my blog roll and everything I did in my liberal/atheist days (for which I'm still repenting) but speaking the Orthodox Faith is not among them. The Truth is often offensive.

Yes I've sinned this year and every year. That's why I go to Confession. I go ask the Lord God for forgiveness because I wronged him. As for the people who've wronged me? Yeah I'd like to deck a few of them if I ever saw them again, but I've mostly let it go. It's in the past and they don't bother me anymore.

VSO reviews Founders "Better Half"

"Better Half" is Old Curmudgeon brewed with molasses and aged in maple syrup bourbon barrels and is 11% alcohol (I think). The boss had me go with him to a local pub to get it. What I want to say about it is unbecoming of an Orthodox Christian and just thinking those words means I should go to Confession, but then again I go every week anyway. Let's just say it goes along lines of the contradictory theological statement of the Lord's bowel movements, and instead I'll say if it were a cookie it'd make Cookie Monster go berserk.

If you're really slow, it's a great beer and packs a punch. So get it if you can find it.

Morning, Evening Prayers completed & New WRITE Priest

From Fr. Aidan's blog.

Work on the Morning and Evening Prayers document has been completed. The document gives domestic daily prayers in Latin and English, from sources approved in Sept. 2008 in the Russian Orthodox Church Outside Russia for Orthodox Christians of the Western Rite. It has been made available for free download on the internet:

http://tinyurl.com/7kn627r

Drawn from source manuscripts of British Isles origin, the prayers show a mixture that was achieved historically when the Celtic traditions in the Isles met with the Roman traditions brought in by the great missionary saint, Augustine of Canterbury.

In Anglo-Saxon England, it was very common in books of domestic (extra-liturgical) prayers to show Celtic prayers and Roman or Gregorian prayers, side-by-side. The spirit of the prayers was felt, it would seem, to be one, and so both traditions were easily and naturally drawn upon for the private devotions of the Anglo-Saxon Christians in the centuries before the Norman invasion. These devotions and prayers were maintained, preserved, and used in daily life long after the Norman invasion as well.

The morning and evening prayers are drawn from three important sources: the Book of Cerne, the Ancren Riwle or Hermitess' Rule, and the printed Sarum Primer. They appeared in an initial edition in "Orthodox Prayers of Old England" (Third Edition 1999), which remains in stock but will one day be replaced by a fourth edition to be produced under the authority of the Russian Church Abroad. Perhaps the fourth edition can be published by Jordanville, or by the St. Nicholas Monastery in Ft. Myers, Florida.

Got mine already! My Catholic Cavebuddies will like it too.

Also from Fr. Aidan's blog:

From Father Anthony (Bondi), Pastoral Vicar to the Metropolitan for Western Rite:

"This morning at 10am [Friday, February 17, 2012 - Ed.] His Grace Bishop Jerome of Manhattan ordained Fr Deacon Steven Tolbert a priest at St Ambrose of Milan Orthodox Church in Putnam Valley, New York in the Western Rite. Fr Steven will be assigned as the Rector of St Brigit of Ireland Orthodox Church, South Claremore, OK. He and his family will take up residence there after Pascha. Of note: Fr Steven is the first priest ordained from minor orders up through the priesthood using the ancient Roman Rite. May God grant him many years!"

Many years - Ad multos annos!

Axios! Dignus est! Worthy he is!

Bronx Brewery + Catholic parish= Catholic Beer

Now this is what I want to see much more of: Catholic Beer! Read it here.

Why we conservatives suck

Other than the warmongering and sticking our noses in the Middle Easts business (which is a recruiting tool for otherwise indifferent muslims, and I am NOT excusing Islam btw) this is a good view. Ir sucks being the adult, the responsible one, the one who has to say "No."

First they came for the Catholics....

H/T to Cavey

Six people arrested for praying outside Whitehouse. Well officially it was for remaining stationary in front of the Whitehouse which is the law, but yeah. Then they'll come for protestants, then for Mormons, then for us!

VSO reviews Spartacus

No not the classic with Kirk Douglas and Jean Simmons, the Premium Cable show with Lucy Lawless and some other guys. I'll sum it up for you: The 300 + Monty Python + Evil Dead + Kill Bill + Porn.

We couldn't begin to take it seriously. The blood is overly exaggerated like in Kill Bill and the story is fictionalized into an unrecognition. Sam Raimi and Robert Tapert (Hercules/Xen)are producers. The biggest news is that the actor who played Spartacus, Andy Whitfield, died far too young from cancer and was replaced in "Bewitched" style with Liam McIntrye.

We've only watched 3 episodes, and have stopped. It's just not that good and just a non-stop porn fest. It's like EVERYONE was told they'd get paid more if they got naked. Spartacus (which isn't his real name) starts off as a Thracian chieftain who at first aligns with the Roman Republic, then breaks ties after the Roman general takes them away from the barbarians attacking Thrace. They Romans catch him and his wife, throw him into the ring with the other defectors and his wife in slavery and survives his fight against 4 gladiators. He's bought by John Hannah's character (who played Brendan Fraiser's brother-in-law in the Mummy franchise) and he tries to climb out from there. What follows is a side story with him and his fellow gladiator friend (a freeman who sold himself in slavery to support his wife and kid) his owners (John Hannah and Lucy Lawless) struggling with debt, the team Champion and the house slave girl, and Roman politics.

You're not missing much, and it's practically porn. The Saw movies are more appropriate for God-fearing people.

Catholic chickens coming home

I'm not the only one who noticed the irony of the USCCB screaming shennanigans over Obamacare when it previously was all for it. In fact the RCC has been in bed with the Democrat party since the 1930's. Here's an article by Paul A. Rahe, and it's quite damning. I've heard the Catholic Cavemen point out such thing themselves. Here's a sample.

This is what the hierarchy of the Roman Catholic Church forgot. In the 1930s, the majority of the bishops, priests, and nuns sold their souls to the devil, and they did so with the best of intentions. In their concern for the suffering of those out of work and destitute, they wholeheartedly embraced the New Deal. They gloried in the fact that Franklin Delano Roosevelt made Frances Perkins – a devout Anglo-Catholic laywoman who belonged to the Episcopalian Church but retreated on occasion to a Catholic convent – Secretary of Labor and the first member of her sex to be awarded a cabinet post. And they welcomed Social Security – which was her handiwork. They did not stop to ponder whether public provision in this regard would subvert the moral principle that children are responsible for the well-being of their parents. They did not stop to consider whether this measure would reduce the incentives for procreation and nourish the temptation to think of sexual intercourse as an indoor sport. They did not stop to think.

In the process, the leaders of the American Catholic Church fell prey to a conceit that had long before ensnared a great many mainstream Protestants in the United States – the notion that public provision is somehow akin to charity – and so they fostered state paternalism and undermined what they professed to teach: that charity is an individual responsibility and that it is appropriate that the laity join together under the leadership of the Church to alleviate the suffering of the poor. In its place, they helped establish the Machiavellian principle that underpins modern liberalism – the notion that it is our Christian duty to confiscate other people’s money and redistribute it.

At every turn in American politics since that time, you will find the hierarchy assisting the Democratic Party and promoting the growth of the administrative entitlements state. At no point have its members evidenced any concern for sustaining limited government and protecting the rights of individuals. It did not cross the minds of these prelates that the liberty of conscience which they had grown to cherish is part of a larger package – that the paternalistic state, which recognizes no legitimate limits on its power and scope, that they had embraced would someday turn on the Church and seek to dictate whom it chose to teach its doctrines and how, more generally, it would conduct its affairs.

Are you Californian?

This list sums up what I don't miss about California. I miss being paid to work in front of a camera and putting on costumes, but I don't miss the Land of Fruits and Nuts and Piers and Queers.

You might be a Californian if…

…you make $150,000 a year and still can’t afford a house.

…you get on a bus and are surprised to hear two people carrying on a conversation in English.

…your child’s first-grade teacher has purple hair and a nose ring.

…you can’t remember — is pot legal?

…you’re invited to a baby shower for two mothers, their surrogate, and their sperm donor.

…you have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

…you know which restaurant serves the freshest arugula.

…you can’t remember — is pot legal?

…a really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

…gas costs a dollar more per gallon than anywhere else in the U.S.

…your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

…your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is into S&M, and your Avon lady is a guy in drag.

…you can’t remember — is pot really legal?

…you leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:00 pm Tae Bo class.

…you pass an elementary school playground and the children are all on their cell phones.

…it’s barely sprinkling outside, but you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

…hey, is pot legal, or what???

…both you and your dog have therapists.

Requirements for a Priest's wife

H/T to Josephus

I can tell you right now the TW doesn't meet much of the requirements.

Todays Random Post 2/10/12

I hope nobody is trying to email me through that one I have listed on Google. I never check it. It's a dummy account.

As I speak my Apple Cider is fermenting, and I'm about to move it to secondary fermenter. I used 5 gallons Sams Club apple juice, 2 lbs brown sugar, and White Labs English Cider yeast along with some nutrient and yeast booster. I'll post the results in a week.

The Obama regime is displaying some blatant anti-religous behavior as of late with the Obamacare contraception mandate. The USCCB is actually taking Obama to task. I just can't help but note the irony that they used to be all for Obamacare a year ago. To me it seems that the Catholic bishops want it both ways.

ROCOR canonized a martyr of the anti-nazi group the White Rose. St. Alexander pray for us!

Remember: it's SAINT Valentine's Day!

Serious Question: Altar wine

Serious question for you folks. I'm about to make some cider but soon I also want to make some wine for my parish and the others I semi-regularly attend. I asked my main pastor what kind he uses and he showed me a bottle. It said "Angelica" and said he sometimes uses port but ideally it's wine from "the first fruits". I'm scouting for a suitable wine kit to ferment. I believe Deacon Joseph already posted about this but I lost it.

What kind of wine is most appropriate for Liturgical use?

Molotov to Newt Supporters: Are you serious?!

My thoughts exactly!

Todays Random Post 2/1/12

I'm selling some items on craigslist and waiting for the buyers to show up. Here's a few things on my mind

Yesterday I saw a bumper sticker that said "The Constitution is a shield not a sword" and also on the car was an Obama bumper sticker. I love how liberals are powerless to irony, especially their own.

The TW and I want to make some mead, cider and wine. I particularly want to make Altar Wine for the parishes I attend which include a Skete.

I back Ron Paul but fear we're going to get Obama lite instead. Dr. Paul is the only one I can vote for with a clear conscience. Look we can point out the personal flaws in the four remaining candidates all day. There is no perfect candidate. But I and other Paul supporters are at least excited about him and we know for what he stands. You can't really say that about the others. Their platform is that they're not Obama. Gee that'll work well as it did for John Kerry. Obama does what he was supposed to do: represent. You know what he represents. He represents evil, but he stands for something. So am I going to vote for Obama lite? I don't know. Nothing really changes and I'm tired of choosing between two big government loving statists.

I like Copts. Got a problem with that? I also like "Traditionalist" Catholics.

I got the list of songs I have to sing this weekend where I work. I thought we were supposed to do the Hours and Propers instead of the protestant four hymn sandwich? One of them is making me cringe: Eagle's Wings!

If Rep. Allen West is really a conservative and a patriot why did he vote to give Obama the power to lock up our citizens indefinitely?! Terrorism shmerrorism. What's to stop any POTUS from declaring Catholics or Orthodox "terrorists? Ever think about that? And when are we finally going to achieve "victory" in Afghanistan, the graveyard of empires? What is "victory" anyway? Why are we STILL in Japan and Germany?

Ike Eisenhower warned against letting the neocon sacred cow known as the Military Complex deciding foreign policy in his farewell address. Funny how those who say that now are called "unpatriotic" and accused of "hating America".

Rush Limbaugh and Jon Stewart are the same beast with different rhetoric.

Shut up Ann Coulter! I agree with you 90% of the time but shut yer pie hole for once.

Haven't heard if former communist gov't agent Met. Joseph of the Bulgarian Church has resigned yet. He should!

I need a better job, but there aren't any.